Hey there,
Every founder starts by saying yes to everything.
Yes to meetings. Yes to partnerships. Yes to collaborations. Yes to catch-ups. Yes to speaking gigs. Yes to anyone who asks for your time.
And for a while, that’s actually smart.
You learn what works, what doesn’t, and where your energy is best spent.
But then something shifts. You get burnt out. Things don’t move the needle. You’re spending time on other people’s agendas instead of your own.
And you start wondering: what if I’d said no to half of these things? What could I have done instead?
That’s when you need a way to say no - not to close doors, but to actually open the right ones.
Here’s how I decide what to decline, how I say it, and how it’s actually freed me up to land better opportunities.
The Problem I Was Solving
Early on, I said yes to everything. Meetings with anyone? Sure. Casual catch-ups? Of course. Partnerships where I’d do most of the work? Let’s do it.
I thought saying yes kept doors open. In reality, it just kept me busy without moving the business forward.
I was burning out. And I realised there were things I could have done that would have moved the needle way more - if I’d just had the time.
That’s when I decided I needed something to help me. Not to be ruthless, but to be more intentional.
The Decision Framework
Here’s what I ask myself before I say yes or no to anything:
Question 1: What’s the time cost?
If I do this, what am I NOT doing?
Be specific. Don’t just think “it takes 2 hours.” Think: “If I go to this meeting, I can’t work on [specific project] that would [specific result].”
When you frame it that way, the decision becomes easier.
Question 2: What’s the greater benefit?
Does saying yes to this move my business forward more than the alternative?
Am I:
Meeting someone new who could become a partner, investor, or customer?
Closing a deal?
Pushing the business in a new direction?
Achieving a specific objective?
If the answer is no, it’s probably a no.
Question 3: What’s the energy cost?
Beyond time, how much energy will this drain?
Some things take 1 hour but drain you completely. Other things take 3 hours but energise you.
Energy matters. If something is high time cost + high energy cost + low business benefit, it’s definitely a no.
Question 4: Is there a higher priority?
What else are you working on right now? What’s the bigger goal this quarter?
Be honest. If this opportunity doesn’t align with your current priorities, it’s probably a no.
What I Say No To
Meetings with no agenda or direction
If someone wants to “pick my brain,” I ask them to be specific.
“I’d love to help. What specifically would be useful to discuss? What’s the challenge you’re trying to solve?”
Most of the time, they can’t articulate it. That tells me it’s not worth the time.
Casual catch-ups
I’ve learned that “let’s catch up” meetings rarely are just catch-ups. People come with hidden agendas. It’s usually “can you help me?” disguised as casual connection.
I’m direct about this: if someone wants to catch up AND they have something they need help with, that’s fine. Let’s do it. But I don’t say yes to vague catch-ups anymore.
Partnerships where I carry the bulk of work
If the benefit is heavily weighted toward the other person and I’m doing most of the work, it’s a no.
I say yes to partnerships that are mutually beneficial - where both sides are bringing value and effort (like our event with Dosso Beauty earlier this year).
Speaking gigs that don’t align
I say yes to speaking that is either paid OR strategically positions me in the industry.
But I don’t say yes to every speaking opportunity just for exposure. My time is more valuable than generic exposure.
What I Say Yes To
Opportunities to meet new people
If it’s a genuine chance to build a relationship with someone interesting, I usually say yes (time permitting).
Opportunities to close deals
If it moves revenue forward, it’s a yes.
Opportunities that push the business in a new direction
If it’s aligned with where I want to take the business and I haven’t explored it yet, it’s usually a yes.
Mutually beneficial partnerships
If both sides are bringing value and effort, I say yes.
How to Say No
This is where most founders get stuck. They don’t know how to decline without burning bridges.
Here’s my approach: gentle but direct honesty.
I don’t dance around it. I don’t make excuses. I give people clarity because that’s what I’d want.
The language I use:
“Thank you so much for thinking of me. This just isn’t on my agenda right now, and I’m not sure if it will be. But [other person/recommendation] would be a great fit for this.”
That’s it. It’s:
Appreciative (thank you)
Clear (not on my agenda)
Honest (I’m not sure if it will be)
Helpful (pointing them somewhere else)
When I say “never”:
Only when there’s a values misalignment. But here’s the thing - when your values are clear, it’s rare that the wrong people approach you anyway.
Most rejections aren’t about never. They’re about “not right now.”
Real Examples
Casual coffee chat: Someone wants to “grab coffee and catch up.” I ask: “What specifically would be helpful to talk about?” If they can’t give me a clear answer, I pass. If they say “I need advice on X,” I say yes to that.
Partnership proposal: Someone wants to collaborate on a project. I’d do 80% of the work, they’d do 20%. That’s a no. But if we’re both bringing equal value? I say yes.
Speaking gig: Free speaking slot at a conference that’s not relevant to my industry or audience. That’s a no. But a paid speaking slot or a free slot at a major industry event? That’s a yes.
Pro Tips
Be specific when you say no. “Not right now” is clearer than “I’ll think about it.” It sets expectations.
Always point them elsewhere if you can. This shows you’re not just turning them down - you’re helping them succeed. That keeps the relationship warm.
Review your yeses quarterly. Are the things you’re saying yes to still aligned with your goals? If not, it’s time to adjust.
Remember: saying no is saying yes to something else. Every no creates space for a better opportunity.
Your Quick Start
This week:
Write down the last 5 things you said yes to
For each one, ask: “Does this meet my criteria? Am I glad I said yes?”
Identify the pattern of what you’re saying yes to that doesn’t serve you
Moving forward:
Use the 4 questions above before every new commitment
Pick one type of thing you’re going to start saying no to
Test the language I shared and adjust it to match your voice
Pro tip: Your first few no’s will feel uncomfortable. That’s normal. After the third or fourth, it becomes easier.
The Real ROI
Since implementing this framework:
I have way more time for things that actually move the needle
I’m landing more opportunities I actually want (because I have the space to pursue them)
I’m not burning out
People respect my boundaries more, not less
Saying no isn’t about being difficult. It’s about being intentional.
And intention is what separates founders who build something meaningful from founders who just stay busy.
Try the framework this week and let me know what you start saying no to!
Ciao for now,
— Jade